Facebook and Game-changers

Most events take a while to influence the world, but on rare occasions, a few manage to polarize or demolish opinions; to change frameworks in an instant; to let people know that the world is one way today, and the next time they wake up, the world is another way.

August 6, 1945, was one instance. The world changed that day. Up until then all the hubbub had been about a science nut named Albert who studied light and had a penchant for saying nothing in reality is absolute. Then, Hiroshima happened. It's not that the technology wasn't available before - nuclear technology has been studied since a lot of people figured out that the science nut was dead on. But on August 7, 1945, everybody knew for a fact that a nuclear meltdown was possible, and people woke up to a different world.

Up until April 26, 1986, nuclear power was a relatively safe power source that was on an energy class all its own. It was on its way to save the world by providing an energy source that doesn't heat up the world the way carbon-based power sources do. Then, Chernobyl happened. It's not like the risks weren't known from day one - nuclear power debates had been taking place for a while. But on April 27, 1986, people woke up to a world where it was apparent that a few corners cut was all that stood between power source and a major catastrophe.

Last February, we had another world-altering experience. Up until then, the most evident proof that people on the interwebs were morons had been the fact that MySpace exists. Okay, that’s pretty big proof. But still, there had been no honey pot – you’d have to check out trashy page after trashy page until your eyes had given out to confirm.

No more. On February 10, 2010, ReadWriteWeb wrote an article about Facebook – pretty standard stuff, saying that Facebook, like every other site in social networking history, preferred if you stayed there longer, with the site serving as a person’s main login.

And then, something curious happened. People started commenting that, and I quote, “The new facebook sucks> NOW LET ME IN.”

And it got worse from there. The seventh comment reads “I WANT THE OLD FAFEBOOK BACK THIS SHIT IS WACK!!!!!” Denial and anger dominated the streams.

Clearly, something had gone wrong. People flocked to the blog in droves, angry that Facebook had apparently become all red, angry that apparently, Facebook had become a blog, angry that they had been locked out. They expressed this with all the urgency of a crack addict looking for the next fix.

At a few dozen comments, some turned to bargaining.

Comment 113:"You reallllly don't want to know what I think. I was doing pretty good until now. I want a nice EASY login like I had before!!!!!”

Some greeted the change with depression.

Comment 353: “I wish I could find my facebook login.”

But then, anger slipped back in.

Comment 455: “WHY CNA"T I LOGING TO MY FACEBOOK!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS GOIGN ON HEAR??????”

At last, after a grueling experience, some shot straight to acceptance.

Comment 873: “CANCELL MY ACCUNT!!”

But some refused to give up. They went on to fight the good fight, and you could almost hear their heart breaking.

Comment 2202: “OMG WHAT THE F? Facebook is my life, if this is what it has come to, I'm just going to kill myself... Why would they change it like this, it's terrible!!!! WHY CANT I LOGIN OMG.”

To RWW’s credit, they tried to stop the mess. They had a message, written in bold…

Dear visitors from Google. This site is not Facebook. This is a website called ReadWriteWeb that reports on news about Facebook and other Internet services. You can however click here and become a Fan of ReadWriteWeb on Facebook, to receive our updates and learn more about the Internet. To access Facebook right now, click here. For future reference, type "facebook.com" into your browser address bar or enter "facebook" into Google and click on the first result. We recommend that you then save Facebook as a bookmark in your browser.

But by then, it was too late. The juggernaut had started rolling, and there was no stopping it. On February 10, 2010, we created the world’s largest pool of potential Nigerian scam targets, and for crying out loud, it’s what the Internet was made for.

Join the party at comment 2261.

Jeff, who has seaweeds for brains, needs a life

Sorry if this is not new to you, but I haven't been a member of Facebook for very long. In fact, I had viewed the social network the same with the same glasses that I had for, say, cockroach droppings. I know those things are there, I just didn’t like thinking about the subject.

Eventually, if anyone gave it enough thought, there’d probably be something to observe. (“those things look like black pepper?” or “did you know that image results come up first when you type in ‘cockroach droppings’ on Google?”)

But anyway, I’m trying to make sense of the whole social thing now, and man, have I been missing out. I mean, if anyone told me about what the news feeds read like, I’d have jumped on day one.

“X (or a random name, like Nicolas) commented on his OWN photo.”

“Nicolas commented on his OWN status message.”

“Nicolas has NO FRIENDS. Help him find people he knows.”

There are few ways to beat that in terms of making someone look like a complete loser, and this is something I am deeply, deeply interested in.

The thing is, these things are not accidents. They’re not missteps – they are calculated moves designed to make people more social, more cutesy, more actively engaged in commenting on anyone’s picture about the latest in flower-growth. And when those feeds are not there, people worry.

But then, what gives? If you’re Facebook, why pull your punches? If you’re willing to make someone look like a complete dope for not being social enough and not understanding the concept of captions, why not tell Nicolas that he needs a clue , and that he’s a complete dope who needs an IQ bump to get the concept of captions?

See, what facebook needs is a good subordinate clause. Or three.

“Nicolas, who is a knuckle-dragging jizz-wit™, commented on HIS OWN FREAKING photo.”

“Nicolas, who has the IQ of mayonnaise™, commented on his comment.”

“Nicolas, who has no life at all, needs your help finding friends.”