Humanity’s down with it, fool

The Olympics is approaching, and as dictated by tradition you’re required to hear at least 437,256 quotes about humanity, some of them good, most of them lame, a few downright phenomenal.

Let’s take the initiative and feed humanity-fest with the Olympics theme here.

You are my adversary, but you are not my enemy.
For your resistance gives me strength.
Your will gives me courage.
Your spirit ennobles me.
And though I aim to defeat you, should I succeed, I will not humiliate you.
Instead, I will honour you.
For without you, I am a lesser man.

It’s a pretty well written piece, my slight problem with it being that it’s not something the Dwight Howard would say after the Dream Team takes home the bling. No sir. He’s going to be all like, “Dude, what the heck is ennoble?” and that would start a hoopla over whether or not Gatorade affects people’s IQ, and we just can’t sit back and let that happen.

So I think it’s about darned time we had a version that caters to that demographic.

You ain’t from the same ‘hood, but you still mah hommie.
Your toughness feeds mah aggression,
Your aggression feeds mah toughness,
You down with it, dog.
And though Ima try to whoop your ass, if I do, I ain’t gunna gloat.
Instead, Ima honor you for sho.
Cuz without you, I ain’t nuthin, fool.