Let's choke on pretzels together

There are two kinds of idiots.

The first kind believes that the word idiot comes from ancient GREECE, when ATHENIANS regarded people who refused to partake in POLITICS as inferior. These idiots are indecipherable. They would watch love stories called 'Before Sunset,' where the plot is, and it's tough summarizing this, TWO PEOPLE TALK. They would pore over fiction like 'Pierre Menard, Author of Don Quijote,' where the story goes, someone rewrites an originally subpar book word for word. They would discuss these things endlessly, making cunning observations like "I think the REWRITING of a book WORD FOR WORD from a RETARDED AUTHOR writing about a RETARDED CHARACTER represents the embodiment of ECUADOR."

The second kind thinks an AMERICAN coined the term idiot for people who SOIL THEIR PANTS before getting a WEDGIE. These idiots are amazing. They watch love stories called 'Dinosaur Island' where the plot is, men get stranded on an island full of DEADLY REPTILES and HORNY NATIVES. They would pore over fiction like 'Guinness Book of World Records' where imaginary characters would mix 179 different cocktails in 60 minutes. They would repeat the dialogue in their heads, going "SPEED MIXING is GRUELLING. I TRAINED for this for the PAST MONTH."

Idiots like these are worth noting, because when it all comes down to it, they know how to have fun. They utter statesmen jibberish, like "This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. Of the end. I'm sorry, what was I saying?"

They prance around and say stuff like "You are either with us, or agai.... cough, cough." And then they pass out from a pretzel. Or they make songs like "I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop the rock it."

Let's face it; we couldn't have expressed that better hitting gongs with popsicle sticks while standing on our heads. We need these people. Night after night, these chosen ones show the world what happens when you mix acids with bases from inside your nose.

This blog is a tribute to those who belong in the pantheon of greatness, because they continually inspire us to defy our limitations by licking car batteries while a friend starts the engine.